First World Cat Problems – The Life of a Spoiled House Cat

First World Cat Problems. The struggle is real. Some days are just frustrating, ya know what I mean? I’m sure you think I have the purrfect life. You would be right. Most of the time. But there are just some days that I want to throw up my paws and yowl.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m generally not a fan of complaining. But, let’s be honest. Sometimes you just have to vent. And, dear pawsies, today is one of those days. So here is a list of some of the top first world cat problems my fur siblings and I must endure. 

The Birdies Taunt Mercilessly 

Dear, sweet birdies. I have been watching you for many months now. You sit outside my window, perched smartly on the deck. And you chirp. The wind comes by and ruffles your feathers. Your body sways slightly, threatening to tip over. Yet, somehow, those little birdie feet hold fast. I chatter sweetly your way, offering a paw of friendship. Alas, so far my petitions have been ignored. Little birdies, I will continue to wait patiently for you. Because I know one day will be the day. One day I will figure out how to get past this wizardry known as “window”. And then we can meet up close. Then we can truly be friends. Until then, sweet birdies, I shall watch and chatter. Yours truly, Milton.

The Pawparazzi is Relentless 

In this crazy world of social media, the photos are non-stop. If I eat, I hear the click, click of the camera. It happens when I sleep, when I play, when I yawn. And, oh the shame, there are even pictures of me in the litter box. Definitely the most embarrassing of the first world cat problems!

Now, I dearly love my Facebook,  Instagram,  and Twitter furriends. They all truly mean the world to me. (And, let’s face the facts – I have way more friends than my humans could ever even imagine). But really, Mom. Do they constantly need to see my tongue out or my best kitty loaf pose?

The Threat of Starvation is Real

We are, much to my dismay, kept on a strict diet. Rarely do we get any “extras.” The threat of hunger looms constantly over us. It is such a real fear that every time the refrigerator opens we come running. The mere mention of a can opener sends the house into a frenzied panic. And my dear brofur, Gordon, has resorted to great theatrics just to procure some of our favorite treats.

Seriously, humans. This is unacceptable.

The Parents Get Annoyed With Early Morning Breakfast

While we’re on the subject of hunger, please tell Mom and Dad that 3:00 a.m. breakfast is perfectly legitimate. Mom is always an early morning person. But for some reason, there are certain days when, despite our best efforts, she can be quite difficult to motivate at three in the morning. It starts with a very gentle head tap, no paw swords drawn, of course. If this does not rouse her, we must progress to attacking the feet. Sometimes drastic measures must be taken. One feline is tasked with pawing the covers frantically while the other must yowl loudly until acceptable movement is achieved. This display seems quite unnecessary to me. Just get up and serve us, according to your duties, Mom.

Three Letters – V-E-T

Now, this is the worst of the first world cat problems. No three little letters can drive more terror into the heart of a sweet, innocent fur creature. Even the mere sight of the cat carrier is enough to send the bravest of felines into hiding for days.

Of course, this one hits just a little too close to home. In case you didn’t know, my mom just happens to be the VET!!! I know, I know. Life can be so unfair at times. Some have suggested that I am somehow “lucky” to have a veterinarian for a mom. Maybe it comes with some benefits. But, think of it this way. Not only do I have to go to the Building of Terror known simply as “the clinic” for horrific, unspeakable acts to be performed upon me. I also must be subjected to all sorts of prodding, violations, and injections in the comfort of my own home.

Our Gifts Are Not Appreciated

One night Mom and Dad were sleeping peacefully in bed. My sisfur, Echo, selflessly decided to bring them the hard-earned spoils of her hunt. She jumped on Dad’s chest and proudly deposited her enormous spider directly onto him. She was even thoughtful enough to leave it alive, so he could have the pleasure of dispatching of it himself.

While I do not wish to relive the drama of that night, let me just say that the humans showed just how ungrateful they can be. Since they clearly don’t appreciate you, poor sisfur, Echo, this is a public acknowledgement of your generosity!

The Humans Never Seem to Know Just How Much Cuddles We Need

Really, humans, is it that difficult to understand? Petting, affection, and cuddling is an absolute necessity. For an exact and fluctuating time. But there is, of course, a threshold. And once that threshold has been crossed, don’t even attempt it. All felines reserve the right to take whatever corrective action is necessary (even if it involves paw swords or teeth) when the humans cross the petting line. And don’t even think about touching my tummy…

First World Cat Problems Never Stop the Purrs

Okay, okay. So after all of this is said and done, I am one blessed little tabby. My life didn’t begin so great. But just look how far I’ve come!  I have such a wonderful family. And I have you, the most wonderful furriends a kitty could ever hope for. Truthfully, dear ones, if I must endure a little pawparazzi action for you, I suppose I’ll just have to take this one for the team. Love you all!

Until next time… Keeping Pebbles Strong!