Ten Things Only Dog People Will Understand

Dog People. Sigh. I suppose every human has to have some kind of weakness. Well, since I share my home with canine fur siblings, this is something I have experience with. And while I may be a little biased towards cat people, I certainly can appreciate those who choose to share their lives with the crazy creatures known as dogs. So here is my list of ten things only dog people will understand.

Don’t forget to check out my post for cat people, also!

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10. Dog people don’t need security alarms

It doesn’t matter if you have a chihuahua or a mastiff. With a dog in the house, no one will be sneaking up on you. While this may sound great, in theory, this does not just apply to burglars and molesters. Most dogs will alert a human (in the loudest, most non-stop way possible) to the presence of all sorts of unsavory characters including mail carriers, other dogs, squirrels, birds, or even leaves that are blowing menacingly across the driveway. Of course, the smaller the dog, the larger the attitude.

Don’t even get me started on the doorbell ringing. People. Just. Don’t.

9.) Even the dumbest dog can learn to spell

If you share your home with a canine companion, you undoubtedly have a list of words you never say out loud unless you want to unleash a flurry mad chaos. Every home is different, but the most common words include “walk”, “treat”, “cookie”, “go for a ride”, or “park”. Then there are the bad words. Some poochies dash under the bed at the mere mention of the word “bath” or “vet”.

But it doesn’t stop there! Clever humans learn to spell out the word to avoid all the theatrics. It doesn’t take long, though, for the even more clever canines to catch on. I’m quite confident that this (English speaking) world is full of dogs that know what “b-a-t-h” spells.

8.) If it hits the floor, it’s fair game

You can struggle all day to stuff a pill down a dog’s throat. You can wrap it in peanut butter, Pill Pockets, bread, or any other disgusting concoction imaginable. Nope, not happening. But the moment you drop anything on the floor, it is swallowed whole before the pooch even has a chance to decide if it’s edible. This phenomenon is enhanced in proportion to the number of dogs present. No doubt, if three or more dogs are there, a canine would swallow a ball of barbed wire whole just to ensure that his friends didn’t get any. And I thought dogs were supposed to be smart…

7.) You forget what bathroom privacy feels like

This can apply to both dog people and cat people. Remember the days when you could sit on the potty and enjoy a nice poo without any distractions? Yes? Then you must not share your home with a 4-legged friend. There you sit, focused on the task at hand. Then you feel a little furry head plop down onto your exposed lap, a pair of gentle eyes staring lovingly up at you. You’re trapped, and he knows it. Regardless of the horrors that are taking place, he knows you are his alone, if only for those few moments. Now that is true devotion.

6.) You are keenly aware of the weather forecast 

If you live with a dog, no explanation is needed. Animals have an acute sense of the weather. Even before the first clap of thunder, your dog with thunderstorm anxiety will let you know it’s time to pull out the ThunderShirt . And your dog that loves the snow will refuse to come inside, even when it’s well below freezing outside. Of course, there is always the “dainty” creature that refuses to potty outside at the first hint of imperfect weather. Yep. You’re cleaning up pee today. But that’s not the worst part.

Oh, the mud. Whether it’s rainy or snowy, if there is any moisture outside, the house will be covered in mud. Not just the floors. No. The bed, the couch, your pants, the walls. And, certainly, no respectable dog would ever shake off outside. He must wait until he is directly next to the lovely white curtains to perform the ritual dog shake.

5.) No dog can resist rotten death or poop

Whether he is an outdoor goat-herding Great Pyrenees or a pedigree, sweater-wearing  Yorkshire Terrier that gets carried around in a purse, all dogs have a dirty little secret. They love to roll in objects of unimaginable horror. The more rotten and smelly, the better. Any time of the day is excellent, but the perfect time to do it is immediately following a bath.

We certainly can’t forget about the poop. Be it horse, cat, rabbit, or even other dog poop, your dog believes it is nature’s candy left as little surprises just for him. Summer brings with it delightful little nuggets of kitty crunchers, while in the winter nothing is better than finding a poopsicle. Of course, your sweet little muffin would never consider rotting corpses or feces to be on the menu, right? Feel free to keep deluding yourself. But, uh, just don’t forget to brush her teeth.

4.) Nail trims are torture

No two words create more frustration and anxiety in the heart of dog people than do these two seemingly-benign words. Nail trim. Shots? No problem. Ear cleaning? A breeze. Laceration on the skin that has to get stitches? Not even a flinch.

Bring out the Nail Clippers and it’s pure panic and pandemonium. He dashes under the bed, trembling. It’s a struggle just to slide him out. But you are prepared! You have two people today. One poor soul tries to hold the wiggling, thrashing pup, as you vainly attempt to clip the nail. Success! You got one! But the dog is screeching so loudly you fear the neighbors will report you to the SPCA. After 8 minutes of sweat and torture, you give up. Sigh. Maybe it is worth the extra money to have the professionals take care of it.

3.) Greeting you is the highlight of a dog’s life

A dog spends his life waiting for his human. Is it time to eat? Is it time to play? Can we go for a walk? Then the dreaded time always comes. The human must at some point inevitably leave the dog’s presence. It may be for a few minutes or a few days or more. But the truth is, every car that passes, every footstep heard, every human voice is listened to carefully to determine. Is it my human? Has my human finally returned to me? When that magical moment finally arrives, it’s as if sunshine has burst through the storm clouds. The emotional outburst may be somewhat dramatic to the outside observer. But, hey, a dog’s human is their whole life, after all.

2.) Your dog will know immediately if you have been unfaithful

Speaking of returning home, every dog reserves the right to thoroughly investigate your whereabouts immediately upon your homecoming. Everything from your head to your shoes must be carefully scrutinized to determine what was so important that justified your abandonment for the day. Particular attention is paid to the hands.

She is sniffing you carefully when suddenly she stops. There is something not quite right about the hands. Her nose goes into panic mode. The sniffs quicken, then they slow into a deep inhalation. With a huff, she lets the breath go. You have been discovered! You were (gasp!) petting another dog. This is clearly unacceptable. This behavior will not be without consequences. However, punishment must wait. It is, after all, time for dinner…

1.) There is no love like a dog’s love

“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” Anatole France

All animal people are keenly aware of this fact. Not everyone in this life will understand what it feels like to be truly loved unconditionally. Dog people are a notable exception.

A dog’s life is so brief, and yet in just a few short years, they are able to reach a human’s soul unlike anything else on this earth. They are more than just family. They become a part of you, the highlight of your day. And yet, no matter how much a human loves their dog, it can’t match the love received in return. A dog’s every waking moment is spent either happy to be with their human, or wishing the human would come home soon. This kind of love isn’t earned, it isn’t deserved and yet it’s there. Always and unconditionally.

So if you consider yourself a dog person, take this moment to show some appreciation for the poochies in your life. Give them a treat, or even just a pat on the head. And don’t forget that, while your dog or cat friends make up an important part of your life, you make up their entire life.

Until next time… Keeping Pebbles strong!