“Congratulations, Doctor. You’re officially a veterinarian.” The words rang in my ear, feeling ridiculous, a joke, even.
If you live with a cat, you know you’ve been there. It’s the middle of the night. You wake up feeling like your bladder may rupture, so you stumble half asleep out of bed, plodding dumbly down the hall to the bathroom. Then suddenly you feel it. At first, it seems like maybe just a little moisture between your toes. But as you step down you feel the goo, the glob of wet furry grossness against your bare foot. And you know. You’ve been hairballed.
Introducing cats – the very thought makes my ears go back and my tail puff out like cotton candy at the county fair. Of course we felines are sweet and loving. To our humans. And sometimes our close housemates. But we also invented the phrase “stranger danger”. People often think of dogs as the most territorial animal. Please! Any respectable feline makes even the most territorial dog look like the kindergarten welcoming committee.
Have you ever shared your home with a darling kitty and thought, “He must be lonely! I need to get him a playmate,” only to discover that you were a delusional idiot when he came nose to nose (or claws to nose) with his new “playmate”? Then read on, friends! I’m about to reveal some tips to make the transition from single feline to multi-cat household much smoother.
As most of you probably know by now, my mom is a veterinarian. In case you’re not sure what that means, it means that she gets paid to insert objects of torture (and sometimes even fingers) into skin, muscle, ears, or (ahem) any orifice belonging to animal victims all while smiling and holding polite conversation with their humans. And please, oh please, don’t ask me how I know the details of what happens at the clinic.
I don’t fully understand the motivation behind it all, but she has been in this career for quite a while. And, fair warning, she does seem sensitive as to the longevity of her practice. Just the other day when I asked if she got to work on Noah’s animals she gave me a very dirty look. So, anyway, I figured since she’s been doing this for a few centuries, she must have some interesting stories to tell by now. So I decided to do an exclusive interview about some of the things that happen behind the scenes. Although I tried to keep this professional, I think Mom’s interview skills need a little polishing up.
It’s easy to distinguish people who know cats versus people who think they know cats. First of all, people who say they don’t like cats, well, they simply must not know cats (or at least they must not know me). So often us sweet kitties are characterized by the ignorant folk as aloof, independent creatures who only care about ourselves. Sometimes people make comments like, “I had a cat I liked once. But that was only because he acted just like a dog. He followed me everywhere.”
Oh, my inner feline groans just to hear offensive comments like this. It’s just embarrassing for the humans who make comments like that. Please, oh please listen up while I clear up some of the misconceptions about feline love. I may even throw in a couple of thoughts on canine affection as well, just to avoid any accusations of media bias.